"It's a shame you're only staying three months"

Today, the staff at the Consuelo Home met to discuss the program in general as well as specific girls' cases. I am in a unique position as a someone who is able (not bogged down by paperwork) to simply play games, talk and just spend time with the girls; plus, until this past weekend, I was at the house every single day for most, if not all, of the day--much more than any other staff person. Therefore, my input at these meetings about the girls, their progress, and their needs was particularly valuable. You may have noticed, but I tend to incessently ponder and work through potential improvements of... well, everything; so one can imagine how much the Consuelo Home and its girls have been dominating my thoughts. Today these ideas found their forum, and I offered my suggestions as well as how I specifically would help to implement them. It was in response to these proposals that one of the staff members started chuckling and shook her head: "it's a shame you're only staying three months." Wham! Right to the chest. I've heard this from almost everyone since I arrived, but this was the first time that I really felt its sincerity and gravity. I can see how into it I'm getting, how much I'm willing--needing--to put myself into this project, the deep connection I will inevitably form with these girls, and in just three months... scratch that... two months from now, I'll be gone. And now the staff see it too. I've already toyed with the idea of extending one month (shh, don't tell Danny) since I don't need to be back in Honolulu until mid May (family vacation--very important), but this was the first time I was thinking that maybe I'd come back to Baguio this summer. On the flip side, I should take into consideration that the head supervisor got back just this week from a six-month long leave. And it seems that if she hadn't left, my suggestions would be moot. While I still believe I have a lot to offer the program, perhaps the next two months will be enough time to establish and maintain needed improvements? It's possible, right?

In addition, it should be known that I have recently jump started my social life and set up specific hours that I'm expected to be at the Consuelo Home; so some days I have mornings free, other days I have evenings, and two full days are mine completely. This will be crucial since as I'm taking on more responsibilities, I will need more downtime to cope and unwind; and it will be good to establish some degree of professional distance if I am to be counseling the girls on a more regular basis. Even though I'll continue living in the house, I still feel like I'm "leaving" them (I'm also good with self-guilt) and fear I'm sacrificing my valuable unique perspective. I just need to keep repeating "if I burn out, I'm no good to anyone... especially my girls" --er, "the girls." Professional distance... right, got it. Hee hee

Rockin' the bed!

Last night was my first earthquake! It was so small that no Philippine siesmology websites seem to acknowledge it happened. But at 3:40am, I awoke to my bed shaking and soon realized it was the whole house. The dogs in the area were all howling or growling, but in less than 10 seconds it was over and all was quiet again. At breakfast many of the girls said that they were awoken too.

When Oahu had its latest earthquake, I was in China. I was a little dissapointed I missed it and was (sort of) hoping that I'd get to experience one. Baguio was devestated by an earthquake in 1990, so it would be naive and callous of me to "wish" for one. And now... having felt it... I didn't really like it. The bed was shaking so little that it felt like something I would be able to stop, and thus knowing how entirely helpless I was to do so, kind of scared me. The earth was shaking. That's just weird... and scary.

But I'm fine, and now I can say I've experienced an earthquake. Hopefully, that will be the extent of it... and more hopefully, Pinatubo won't get angry again. (We don't like when Pinatubo gets angry.)

Healthy Start

Today, I went with a fellow CFS employee as she made the rounds to some teenage mothers enrolled in Healthy Start. This program works with new parents to teach them how to raise healthy babies. (The program was largely founded by Gail Breakey, whom I worked with in Hawaii.) They show them games to play, how to interact with their babies to stimulate development and, of course, how to deal with their children in effective, non-violent ways. Today, we were specifically visiting some poor moms whose babies are underweight to deliver special formula that they can't afford themselves but that will hopefully get the babies' weights to where they should be. This mother's older child is in the Healthy Start program, but there hasn't yet been a need to enroll her younger one.

Ates (ah-tays)

This isn't a great picture of me, but what else is new--besides, I had to post something. This is me and "Ate" Liza. She's a social worker and house parent at the Consuelo Home. In this picture she looks young and cross-eyed, but she's 24 years old and does really well not bumping into things. I have a great time hanging out and talking with her. She's helped get me telephonically connected (still working out the kinks) and took me shopping for cheap clothes. Fortunately, she was there to comfort me after I discovered that here I'm size XL by reminding me, "oh Nicole, you're not fat... you're obese." Yes, I can tell we're going to be good friends.

She's also lent me a portable DVD player, so while in my bed I've been able to watch better movies than Power Rangers; although, Aeon Flux is debatable. Perhaps a bootlegged Rambo 4 will up the standard?